My mother

So many people have said, "I've learned so much from my mother". In my case, my mother is a professional in the area of raising children, starting early in her career being a teacher at a nursery school, then getting a Master's degree in Parent Education and then later in her career (at the age I am now) her Master's in Counseling specializing in Family and Child Therapy. I find myself daily thinking about my mother and the difference she has made in my life not just in what I have learned from her in the area of being a parent, but in all the other areas as well.

My mother has taught me two main things regarding parenting: listen and give your child some space to experience and live life.

When I say listen, I don't mean listen because someone is talking to you. I mean listen as in being really interested in "what is my child trying to say to me". When I listen to my own son, who is 2 years old and doesn't have a huge vocabulary, I have to also listen and watch the other forms of communication. So when he is frustrated and on the verge of a tantrum, I stop and get on his level and ask myself 'what he is trying to tell me?'. I can't figure it out at my level (5'9"), I have to get down to him at 3' and look at life from where he is standing. Usually that initiates him talking to me (again, with hand pointing and some words I don't understand) and somehow I begin to understand him and his frustration defuses. I have to think about what he is trying to tell me that he doesn't have the words to tell me.

When I say give your child some space to experience and live life, I mean try not to fix what is wrong or save them. I remember when I was a teenager, I came home from school one day and stomped around the kitchen, slamming doors and complaining to my mother that there wasn't any food in the house (which in fact wasn't the case). My mother let me stomp around and then asked me what was upsetting me. I said something about no food in the house and stomped downstairs to my room. A bit later, I went back upstairs and sat down at the kitchen table and talked to my mom about what was really bothering me.

I think about this when my son is playing and a toy isn't working the way he wants it to. I try to just let him figure it out. I know he will and if I get too involved in the figuring it out, he won't learn whatever there is for him to learn. Sometimes he gets frustrated and scatters the toys away from him and sometimes he gets it working and experiences the triumph of having figured it out! Such a smile I get to see when he is victorious and I get to celebrate with him. When he gets frustrated, he comes over to "tell" me about it and get some loving from me. Both endings I love.

I have learned so many other things from my mother but those two rank right up at the top. I hope I continue to learn from my mother and have the ability to pass that knowledge on to others. Celebrate all that you have learned from your mother and the other mothers in your life.

Happy Mother's Day!